Hanging by a thread

I don't understand myself.

I feel like I can't even figure myself out, sort out my own emotions, understand why I'm feeling the way I do. I felt one way and it made sense to me, but now I feel differently and I can't figure out why. I've been trying to rationalize my way out of this slump, but you know emotions - they don't care about logic.

Not understanding myself scares me. How could I ever expect to understand somebody else, or hope for somebody to understand me when I'm totally floored and confused by my own self?

There is thunder cracking and rumbling outside; thunder storms often make me feel melancholy, which is probably why I am feeling down and confused. I honestly feel like I would like to have a good cry (I'm not entirely sure what about) but I can't get out more than a tear or two.

I used to think that not crying would be so much better than being the cry-er that I am. I have discovered that this is not true. Crying is an outlet for all those emotions that we can't understand or change or fix. And so, I cannot comprehend why I feel the way I do, or cry about it to get it off my chest, but I can write about it.

And that's something.