One night

Hilariously, I made it less than half-way through the last challenge, which is just about par for the course for me. I will not feel down-trodden though. By the last few posts I was only doing it out of a sense of obligation, not because I felt like I was learning anything, or sorting anything out about my life. This is a problem with challenges - sometimes they stop helping you grow and start holding you back.

I have an idea for a November challenge, but I'm not going to commit to it yet. There are still two days to decide ... 

Regardless, this is a big day for me. I may have graduated in spring, but I have been in training for the last three months at my new job.  Tonight I go solo for the first time. My head knows that I have the training for this - four years of university, over a thousand clinical hours, a month of unit-specific classroom time, and an additional two months of on-site preceptorship - but I feel wildly unprepared. I work in a highly specialized area and a lot of stuff can go wrong. I am nervous as all heck.

I want to be great at my job. I'm not being melodramatic when I say that lives depend on my being great at my job. I suppose being nervous is a good thing - it means that I am self-aware, that I care about being a great nurse - but I don't like it. My stomach is twisting and I feel sick. 

Hopefully tonight my training will take over (experience tells me it will) but I don't know how to stop my hands from shaking.