I forgot how complicated dating and love and relationships are. Especially right at the start. Or when things change. Or when you don't know what you want. Or if you know what you want but don't think you can have it. Or when you know what you want and know you can't have it. Or when you change your mind. Or when your head is telling you one thing and your heart is telling you another. Or when you friends/family are telling you one thing and you're telling yourself another. Or when you are scared. Or when you've been hurt. Or ... Well, basically always.
Love is confusing. Love is vulnerable. Love is time-consuming and challenging and unnerving. I know that love can be worth it. At least my head knows that love can be worth it - I'm having a hard time convincing my heart. I know tales like that of my grandparents (married 49 years and 11 months, parted only in death), or my parents (married 30 years so far), or my godparents (34 years so far). I want a story like their stories. And yet I cannot convince my heart to try.
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