Sometimes I feel lost in my own life.
It feels a little crazy to say that because I have been actively involved in the decisions that lead me to where I am right now, but it's true. I'm feeling lost.
I think part of this is due to the shock of working full time and no longer measuring my life in four-month segments (September-December, January-April, May-August: the seasons of a student). For the first 23 years of my life, I basically knew what the plan was (well .. the first four years I didn't really give a damn, and then I started kindergarten). School from September to June. Summer. Repeat. Graduate high school. School from September to April. Summer. Rinse and repeat.
I speak only for myself here (although I'm sure lots of nurses can relate) when I say that nursing school was the most difficult thing I have ever done, and basically the only way to survive is to tuck your head down and run for the end. All of a sudden, four years have passed and you see your feet cross the finish line and you look up and .... you have no idea where you are. You got so focused on just surviving the day-to-day that you never took in your surroundings. My plans were graduate and get a job.
Well, mission accomplished. I have fulfilled that whole plan and currently don't have plans beyond get up and go to work. My brother says this is en expected feeling - that everything will settle into a sense of normalcy at about the six-month mark. Right now, however, it just feels scary.
My mother (and sister) take the cake on Type A personalities in my household [a fact for which I am extremely grateful because I HHHATE details and being organized], but I still like to have a working plan. Even if it's just a dream or a distant idea, I like to have some vague thought on what will be happening six, eight, twenty four months down the road.
Perhaps this is an exercise to improve my Type B-ness. Shucks.
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