Restless

I live an incredibly privileged life. As today is International Women's Day, I feel it is necessary to say that I recognize that I am extremely lucky (in both the global and universal contexts) for many reasons: being born in Canada, having a wonderful family, living in a stable environment, enjoying good physical and mental health, having an education and job opportunities. The list goes on and on.

But today ... today I feel restless. I feel unsettled and uncomfortable. I am living a little in limbo right now, waiting on others to make decisions that will affect my life dramatically, and I am acutely aware that even if they decide to the negative I am too complacent to stay here.

I have lived in this city for the majority of my life. I know the town, I have my family and my people, I am comfortable in my job. A few years ago this life was still pushing and stretching me, but now it feels like it is closing in on me, shrinking down before my eyes.

This scares me. What if this is a pattern? What if nothing is ever enough long term? What if I never learn to be content with what I have and always have to push for more?

As I am only 26 and still have many aspirations (school, travel, work, family) I don't think I should be completely satisfied with my life right in this moment, but it's something I need to learn. I need to figure out how to live and love the life I have in each day, month, year and let the future be a dream, not my focus. How do you learn that?

But right now, I am restless. So restless in my head and my heart. I am searching for something more, something bigger, something new.