Quotations

I'm going to quote a movie I don't even like very much but that I think states how I'm feeling in quite a succinct way. "You put your head down, and you hustle and hustle, until one day you look up and you don't even know where you are."

I feel like I've said the equivalent of that line many times in the past six months, and I truly mean it. Although it seems to come in waves, lately I have spent quite a lot of time feeling lost in my own life. It seems ludicrous to say so because I have been actively involved in every decision that got me to where I am, but it's almost as if each specific choice was viewed as it's own piece instead of as part of the whole puzzle. Now I'm seeing a completed section of the overall picture and I'm shocked. I don't even know if this is where I want to be, and it's scary to feel like this.

Life doesn't come with a guidebook. "Life" often seems to be about making it up as you go and your job is to learn to live with and love wherever that gets you. But where I am right now isn't anywhere close to where I want to be and there really isn't a set of step-by-step instructions to get me there.

I suppose the upside of this crazy train of thought is that I'm not done, and I can just keep doing until I get somewhere lovable ... the scary thing is which steps are wise and which are false? What move do I make? Where do I even look for direction or inspiration or a plan?

All I know right now is this: right now, I am having a really hard time loving my life (although there are MANY things in my life that I am perfectly in love with) and I feel like I need a direction or a way to move forward. I just don't know how to find that.

Oh, life.