shades of green

I think have a problem with envy.

I'm not a musical prodigy. I'm not a genius with straight A's. My artwork looks like it was completed in a kindergarten classroom. This is not intended to be self-deprecating, it's just the honest truth. I'm a pretty average person.

This can sometimes lead to a bit of a problem. I tend to get a bit [read: quite!] jealous of people who are extremely accomplished. Those people who can sing absolutely anything they want in whatever style is desired. Artists who whip out a pencil, or pen, or paints and recreate the Mona Lisa in five minutes or less. Students who only half-focus in class, ignore their textbooks, and run off ten page papers in a couple hours the morning they're due and still end up with a gpa of 3.8. Those kids who suspend gravity when they jump, effortlessly run 15km a couple times a week, are the mvp of every game in every sport. Those people.

I noticed this week that a lot of the people who I don't expect to like before I know them are people who have talent that far exceeds my own. When I realized this, I spent some time trying to figure out why that is. And it's not a very flattering trait, but I have to confess this: I really dislike feeling inferior. I guess this probably also ties in with my self-esteem.

This is not something that I appreciate in myself. I wish that I were secure enough in who I am and in my ability to do the things that I do so that I would not feel threatened by other people. Ever since I realized this, I have been trying to assess the real reasons for why I dislike the people I don't like. I'm finding that my green-coloured glasses seem to be tainting my view of the people I envy ... how awful am I.


Song of the Day: We Don't Want Your Body by Stars