Not So Much

It might be obvious, but I am struggling through a bit of a depressed patch right now. That is really hard for me to admit. Generally, I would consider myself a very outgoing and optimistic person, but right now? Not so much.

In this time of my last presentations for school as well as finals starting in *gulp* three days (!!), it would be really nice to be able to focus on my studies. But my brain is completely pre-occupied. And when I can focus, I seem to be incapable of retaining any information.

I am having a hard time finding God in any of this. I know He's there, because He promised, but when things are tough it can be pretty hard to see Him on the other side of all the fear and sadness. A friend compared Him to a midget-sized Waldo in a giant Where's Waldo book. This is simultaneously a nice analogy [because you always find Waldo in the end] and a scary one [it usually takes me forever to find him]. This same friend, who has been a huge support in recent weeks, said that there are two things you need to do:

1) you have to train your brain to actually want to look for Waldo. Simply looking for a red&white shirt is not enough - there are a LOT of fake Waldos that could trip you up. You need to remember exactly who it is you're searching out.

2) the faster you try to find him, the more desperate you'll become and the more likely you are to miss him, thinking "I already looked there!" You need to be a step back, take a deep breath and focus on what you're looking for.

It's amazing how a silly analogy can become so accurate and allow you to see the ways that you are getting in your own way. On the other hand, these are two things that are not easy to do. God's timing doesn't usually look like mine, so in this time of countless distractions it's hard to remember that setting aside time to spend with Him is endlessly more important than all the other junk I distract myself with. I miss him, but I would miss Him more.


Song of the Day: The Call by Regina Spektor